South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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