living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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