so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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