I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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