Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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