SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
