She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
