My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
