btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize