I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
