I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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