You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
