the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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