Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
