My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
