I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
