Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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