the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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