So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
