The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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