Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
