Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
