why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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