I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
