My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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