I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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