So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
