my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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