it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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