Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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