i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
