never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
soo... how was my night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
