I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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