my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
