I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
