My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
