OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
