...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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