I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
