no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
