The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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