Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
