My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
