yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
