I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It all started with a game of naked twister.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
