i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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