His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
