Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
