These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
