Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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