I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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