So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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