Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
