I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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