I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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