i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
