We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
