Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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