There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
