HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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