You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize