I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
