pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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