im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
