I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I want her autograph on my taint
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
