Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
