So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
