so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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