So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
